The Snarkly Three: Special two of them are about the theatre and one is about pigeon sex Edition

1. This is why universities make your cite all your quotations like "this" (Throbweenie, 1993):

Because otherwise, you don't give much of a context, you see, and then the reader has to make one up. Take this quote -- uncited -- from Playbill's Today in Theatre History:

1999 That's The Gershwins' Fascinating Rhythm you hear. Brothers George and Ira's music and lyrics highlight this revue opened tonight at the Longacre Theatre on Broadway. [...] Although the show will run for only 17 performances, producer Manny Kladitis remained proud to have "brought an unbeatable score to Broadway."

See what I mean? No citation, so the mind fills it in:

MANNY: At least I remain proud to have brought an unbeatable score to Broadway.

MANNY'S MOTHER: Shut up and eat your peas.

2. Count on Back Stage to tell it like it is ... stateside.

You persons who have some respect for acting as a form of art, click at your blood pressure's own risk. Wow! If only my clothes were hotterer, I could be a betterer actresser!

Excerpt: For spring or summer spots, Rodgers recommends wearing a simple tank top or sundress—but not too sexy. And if you must have a print, keep it simple. For cooler months, she says it's "layer, layer, layer. Jean jacket and/or a hooded sweatshirt—not sweater; that has the opposite effect—over a clean white T-shirt, and, of course, no logos." The T-shirt can have a color—think pastels for girls, muddy colors like olive, gray, or eggplant for guys—but "the color shouldn't steal the show."

Don't make me come over there, America.

Not, of course, that I mean for a moment to suggest that all Americans think acting has to do with tank tops. At the Actors' Studio, for example, I have it on good authority that they teach good acting hinges on "certain varieties of camisole."

Fortunately, this all has a historical basis in big-ass acting kahuna Constantin Stanislavski's 1935 treatise in which he clarifies that it's not about buying a new tank top to play a character -- it's about finding the truth of that character in the tank top you already own. But "the color shouldn't steal the show" (Stanislavski, 1935).

3. And meanwhile you know you were interested in the state of pigeon affairs abroad

I'm writing this at Paris' famed Jardin des Tuileries (literally, "Garden of Twilleries"), where two pigeons are playing rowdy foreplay games practically at my personal feet. The games are cyclical, and endless. The cycle goes like this: one pigeon FLAPFLAPFLAPs real hard and tries to hop on the other, who whups its wings at the first pigeon like this, WHUP, then the first one acts coy, starts to fake-saunter away, then returns with a vengeance and they switch roles: (FLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP) (WHUP) (coy) (sauntersauntersaunter) (FLAPFLAPFLAPFLAP) etc. I guess this could go on all afternoon.

I don't get their point. I guess it's an attempt to convince me they AREN'T about to do the pigeon nasty? Whatever; their act is transparent. I don't buy it for a moment. Maybe they would be more convincing if they were wearing a simple tank top or sundress, but not too sexy.