Urban Snarktionary: Transit Edition

Following last week's acclaimed definition of "Duane Reade" (and what, exactly, does "Duane Reade" mean to you? Explain), the Urban Snarktionary is back, for to define those metropolitan mysteries that, at some point or other, have gripped every one of us to the point of mild curiosity. Today's definition:

met.ro card  n. the pass that allows you to use the subway, or would, if you had any more than five cents left on your current one, which you don't. This is because the system works as follows: subway fare is two dollars a ride, with an imminent fare hike the mere mention of which sends any New Yorker into a white-hot, spittle-emitting HEY!! WHUDDAYOUMEANBYTHAT??!! I HATE YOUR MOTHER!!!, so the fare you should put on your MetroCard is, ideally, $2.00, or some multiple thereof.* However, you will not do this. Adding $2.00 requires you to input the amount manually, which is something we fast-paced city-dwellers will do over sno-cones in hell, because our action-packed existences in this booming conurbation leave us no time for anything beyond gritty life necessities such as Tasti-D-Lite consumption. Instead, we will opt every time for the whonky-ass "ready-made" amounts, such as $6.05 or $7.10, offered by the MetroCard terminal. These amounts serve the invaluable purpose of leaving you, in the end, with .05 or $1.10 in unuseable fare. Then you can sedulously memorize which MetroCard has which amount on it so you can go back to the terminal next time and apply the difference on $2.00.  Then you say the hell with it and buy a new MetroCard. This is how we at the Urban Snarktionary have accumulated a shoebox full of MetroCards with an estimated combined value of $3.9 trillion, which the Transit Authority ("Unintelligible Transmission That Means We Are Skipping Your Stop And Dumping You At One Hundred Millionth Street Ha Ha Ha Since 1953") is way too smart to ever let us use. Though one day, of course, we will "face the music": sighing heavily, we will take all our MetroCards to a terminal, and reload each one of them with the appropriate amount. Right after we finish our sno-cone.

con.ur.ba.tion n. hee hee hee



* At least for the moment grumblegrumblespittle.