So, I don't usually think of myself as a rebel renegade rule-breaking law-flouting system-spitting-at type, but this morning I attempted - yes, I freely admit it - to make a medical appointment. At the university health center.
(Music: "Night on Bald Mountain")
As you have no doubt guessed by the music, this is problematic on several counts. First of all, I had a medical need, which quite frankly does not thrill your modern university medical practice. Your modern university medical practice has no particular desire to see students. They essentially see us as great festering pestilent wads of social disease with the rational capacities of phlegm. Needless to say, I heartily object to this characterization of college students, on grounds I have currently forgotten.
But anyway, my point is that the health professionals prefer to keep as great a distance from us as possible, preferring to administer medical care in a more "hands-off" kind of way, like through catchy Health Initiatives, as seen on fun posters in the student union:
SYPHILIS SHEEP SAYS: STDs ARE BAAAAAAAAAAD
Therefore, if you should try God forbid to make an appointment through the health services website (turnbackNOWpunk.college.edu), you will get the following notices: